16 posts tagged “comics & other nerdy things”

 

I may be in the final days of my month-long organ-meats and potatoes binge in the UK, but I did manage to get my latest offering to the Queer Eye on Comics series out to my editors before I left, and it's out this week. In it I attempt to answer that burning question "Which is inherently gayer: Final Crisis or Secret Invasion?"  I also make a bunch of references to funny costumes and stuff, so it's pretty much my bog standard, award-winning stuff. Please do enjoy.

And for all my anonymous fans out there, don't forget you can find links to my previous QE offerings here, here and even here. Gotta go... I've just been served the largest calve's liver I've ever seen. Seriously. It's like the size of my forearm. Please tell me there is some arugala left in San Francisco for my return... I'm just hoping it hasn't all been sent off to Denver for the DNC.

So, Basie, the local 7-year-old whose comic I reviewed a while back to much notable acclaim over at prismcomics.org, has finally gone totally pro: he had his own in-store appearance at my LCS, Isotope Comics Lounge.

James Sime, Isotope's mad monk, was the first to champion this budding writer/artist's career, famous as the place is for its wide selection of 'zines, mini-comics, and self-published manifestos. Months ago, I picked up Basie's first offering, The Masked Mutant #1, and wrote what I thought was a not unfunny piece: treating two comics made by kids who could barely write their own names as though they were breakout talents up for the Eisners. Not that I don't know anyone like that, of course....

Well, there Basie was... bent over the drafting table James sets up for these occasions, surrounded by adoring fans, signing autographs, doing sketches, and showing off his portfolio, his original paintings, and a whole painted cityscape made of re-purposed milk cartons, mailing tubes, and even a Tinker Toy container. Folks in Artist's Alley in San Diego next weekend take note: any booth with a home-made city complete with tiny cars becomes 85-90% awesomer automatically. Fact of life.

Basie's parents were there too, and heaped mountains of undeserved praise on me for writing the review, which they said they had gotten MUCH pleasure out of sharing with friends and family. His dad even had a copy of the review printed in what I joked was Basie's "press kit." The delighted gleam in his eye made me feel badly that Masked Mutant #1 had to share my column with another kid-made comic. Maybe Wizard will finally go to press with that Basie retrospective I hear they have in the works, and thereby right that wrong once and for all.

While perusing his portfolio (I am not making that bit up: the kid ACtually had a full-on portfolio), I saw a comic starring a ninja. In a cringe-worthy misspelling moment shred by us adults, we noted he spelled it "N-i-g-u-s." Maybe he uses Jesse Helms' old dictionary? On one page, the ninja is recovering from battle injuries in that ever-popular comics device, the hi-tech tank of bubbly water -- usually a "micro-nutrient bath" or somesuch -- meant to heal anything from acute radiation poisoning to elective surgery scars caused by installing that Adamantium skeleton you always wanted.

I told Basie that this reminded me of The Vision, a synthezoid character in Marvel's Avengers, who was always getting destroyed and ending up in the aforementioned tank. It now occurs to me that we never once used the term "synthezoid" when talking to Basie, preferring the much more generic "robot." Were we somehow afraid that word might corrupt his innocent brain? I suppose it's best to leave the sensitive discussions to his parents. Like the correct spelling of "ninja."

At any rate, I found a reference pic or two in the shop and asked Basie if he'd do a drawing of The Vision in a bubbly tank for me, encouraging him to illustrate extensive damage where appropriate. What he turned out was the absolute greatest: there hangs Mr. Scarlet Witch, a few body parts floating loose in the tank, eyes closed and dreaming synthezoid dreams. The undisputed highlight, though, was that Basie even thought to include The Vision's yellow cape in the scene, hanging on a conveniently placed hook right on the side of the tank.

Please forgive me if I get a bit dramatic, but I can scarcely convey what joy it brings a fanboy like me when he sees a kid like Basie not only NOT forget Vision's cape, but also include it in a place where it won't get ruined by stubborn micro-nutrient stains. That, my friends, gives me great hope for no less than the future of the Geek Race as a whole. Excelsior!

Basie, I hope you had as good a time as I did today! As for you James, score another one for The shop and your unbesmirched rep as the dude living on the bleeding edge of coolness. Isotope Comics Lounge: They won't get micro-nutrients all over your cape.

Unless that's what you're into. This is San Francisco, after all.

I've gone and done it again... I've written another semi-humorous gem for the Queer Eye On Comics feature over at Prism Comics' website. This time, not content to poke fun at questionable crap like Cage and Rob Leifeld's vast body of work, I take on a little book called Action Comics #1. It stars some crazy guy who... get this... wears his underwear on the OUTSIDE of his pants!  And his undies are RED!  That spells comedy gold.

The article is due to go up tomorrow, but you can get a sneaky preview here.  For more of my work in this regard (say you need something to get you to sleep and can't find your copy of War and Peace), see my post celebrating four years of writing for the series.  And they said it couldn't be done!

Or... did they say it shouldn't be done?  I can never remember.

With WonderCon happening this very weekend here in San Francisco (I only managed to make it there for an hour or so yesterday at lunch!), I'm reminded that it's so rare that I mention here that I am an avid comics reader that the 1-1.5 casual visitors I get per year might not know. So... now you know.

When I was a member of NORTHSTAR, an APA for gay comic book readers, I would routinely write lots and lots and LOTS about comics, but since I left the group a while back, I haven't done very much of it. Considering that the portion of my money that doesn't go to keeping up our household or feeding my ever-expanding face goes directly to Isotope these days, I feel I should rectify that.

In actuality, I haven't been COMPLETELY away from comics writing: for the last four years, I've been a contributor to the (I hope) humorous and irreverent review column Queer Eye on Comics over at prismcomcs.org. Prism is a nonprofit that exists to promote the work of GLBT folk who make comics. After all... most comics buyers only have a limited amount of money to spend on comics, so we'd like to see to it that they know who their "brothers, sisters and misters" are in the industry, so to speak. High profile homos in comics of all kinds means a higher profile for all of us.

While most other posts on the Prism site are either news items or serious reviews, the Queer Eye column is meant to be funny. I'm no Dane Cook (and thank god, really), so I can only write funny about bad comics. Really really bad comics. So... my list of reviews is a cavalcade of non-hits: from Liefeld to Lee & Miller and back again.  I'd like to think that each of my picks has SOME redeeming quality, even if that quality is that it so shitty as to make my job of poking fun at it that much easier. I'm a yuppie gentrifier... the biggest challenge I want in my life is figuring out how to make sure TiVo records Lost.

When James Sime, the guy who runs my aforementioned LCS, responded so positively to a column I wrote recently, it occurred to me I hadn't done much here to list all the reviews I've done. As the series approaches it's 4th anniversary (woot!), I suppose it's as good a time as any to take stock. 

A note: because of a computer snafu (don't you hate them?) a while back, all the accompanying pictures on many reviews, including mine, were deleted. The editors at Prism have done quite a lot to restore them, but it's a big job, and we're all volunteers here, so let's just all settle down, 'kay?

March '04   The Dark Knight Strikes Again #1
What better way to start of my career of reviewing crap comics than with one of the hugest shit-bombs of all time. What made it so so much worse was that The Dark Knight Returns was so awesome. You know, Frank Miller... some people don't let success go to their  head. 

June '04   "The Secret Lives of Superman" from DC Blue Ribbon Digest #8, parts 1 and 2.
An easy target... this digest contained a bunch of fun stories where Superman was either dressed as some other hero or had to change his outfit for some reason -- including one that I believe to be the original "outfit you wouldn't want to be caught dead in."

August '04    Rob Liefeld's Avengers #1
I am so proud of this one... a take off on the fabulous Harper's Index from Harper's Magazine.  Finally, mathematical proof that Rob Liefeld totally and unequivocally sucks.

November '04   Crimson Plague #1
Face facts people: even George Perez is not perfect!  Meant to be something of his magnum opus, Crimson Plague, which he both drew AND wrote, was a total trainwreck. A beautiful beautiful trainwreck.

January '05    Power Company
I'm ready to admit it: this review was pretty much written to justify having followed this entire series to my friend Stephen, who loved to give me shit for buying it, though it was written by the excellent Kurt Busiek.  It was not good. There, I said it.

March '05   DC Blue Ribbon Digest #67 starring the Legion of Super-Heroes
For the geek set, this is probably my most useful and informative piece. It offers a quick list of ways fanboys can pepper their conversations with witticisms making fun of the '60s LSH. Nothing gets girls quicker than a good Starfinger joke, guys!

May '05   Wonder Woman (vol. 1) #207
This is also a favorite of mine. I use WW's progression through a bizarre story as a workout regimen to get you ready for beachwear. Be sure you consult your doctor first: she builds the Great Wall of China as her cool down. THAT is hard core, people.

July '05    Ninja #1
You know when you go to a con and all these eager young things are there at their sad little table with their weird little comic they wrote and drew themselves based on ideas they had when they were 10 and now it's like 10 years later and the comic is here and it's not very good? This is one of those.

September '05   DC Comics Presents #47 starring Superman & The Masters of the Universe
What's funnier than He-Man and Battle Cat? The get-up that Man-At-Arms has to wear, that's what.

November '05    Adventure Comics #406 starring Supergirl
I should really get to replacing the scanned artwork in this review, since that's what the review is mostly about.  The disturbing cover does not really fully illustrate (get it?) the weirdness within.  Plus... a girl named Nasty!  I'm not kidding.

January '06   Wonder Woman (vol. 1) #219
I return again to the fertile ground of Wondy's original, pre-Crisis series. This is the one where she goes into some crazy backward dimension where women are cruelly treated and subjugated by men. Huh?

April '06    DC Comics Presents #35 starring Superman & Man-Bat
Oh 1980s... you surely did provide some suck-ass comics. The plot in this book is so bad, you almost don't notice the hands-down ugliest super-villainess costume of all time.  Well, I noticed, I guess.

June '06  "Which One?"
This is me at my absolute laziest: I couldn't even pick a comics out of my supply to write about, so, using a midterm election as inspiration, I wrote a four-sentence description for five different comics and had people write to me to vote on which I should review next. Subsequently, I used three of the five in the column (including my latest offering), which makes some wonder why I didn't just write a real review right then. Whatever, people. Just you wait -- I can get lazier. Really.

August '06  DC Comics Presents #45 starring Superman & Firestorm
This was the winner of June's election; the Green Party candidate.  Published on my birthday, this review features me making fun of the villain's name and costume. What a shocker.

October '06   Cage #3
This was another contender in June's contest. I'd say it was the runner up, but honestly... no one voted for it. Once I read it, I knew why. I mean... Kickback?  Sheesh.

December '06   DC World's Finest Digest #23
I do love me some DC Digests and this one was an attempt to jump onto the then-ongoing 52 bandwagon. The Supernova character  reminded me of Nova, an identity Superman took on in an imaginary story that turned out, upon re-reading, to be way more sexually suggestive than I remembered. Hm.

February '07    X-Men: The New Age Vol. 1
I actually bought this because I was in an LCS here in San Francisco and accidentally knocked a bunch of trades down from an admittedly flimsy shelf.  The shopguy was courteous but clearly put out, so I thought I'd drop $13 and change for all the trouble I caused.  Boy did I pay.

April '07   Adventure Comics #393 starring Supergirl
Ah... Supergirl stories. You never fail to disappoint. Well, you DO disappoint, but in the way that doesn't disappoint, if you know what I mean. In this review, I use the term "sister-friend of steel," officially coining the phrase.

July '07   World's Finest #142, parts 1 and 2
When, during the JLA/JSA crossover last summer ("The Lightning Saga") I noticed that Superman had statues in the Fortress of Solitude of the Legion, I was reminded of the awesome story of the Composite Superman, who got his powers from similar statues. Interesting fact: some great guy has scanned every page of this comic and posted them on the web, and I pulled my scans for the review from his site. Thanks, Interweb!

October '07  All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder
I return to my roots in making fun of Frank Miller in this shooting-fish-in-a-barrell review of a truly terrible series. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but the guys at my oft-mentioned LCS gave me these issues for free when I asked for a suggestion on a bad comic to review. See... loyalty to small businesses pays off!  I think.

December '07    Animal Sounds and The Masked Mutant #1  
Ever hear of these books? No? That's because they were done by a 6- and 7-year old respectively.  I basically treat them like they are legit books, and I think the result is pretty funny.  This is the review that James at Isotope liked so much, even linking to it on the store's own blog. Another one of my favorites.

February '08  Magnus, Robot Fighter #1
My latest if not my greatest. I titled the review "Mitt Romney, Robot Fighter!" and when he dropped out of the Republican presidential race just days before the review was to go up, I had to do a little bit of editing. That's just the kind of up-to-the-minute coverage you can expect from Queer Eye on Comics!

Coming one day soon... reviews of comics I actually like. Won't that be fun for a change?

...but only if you have tickets.

Dash it all!  We waited too long!  Emily, Nicole and I had plans to attend the midnight big-screen showing of the Sing-Along Buffy: The Musical -- the landmark episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer,  "Once More With Feeling" -- scheduled for tonight at the Bridge Theater here in San Francisco.

Unfortunately, we suck and now it's sold out.  Bwaaaaah!  Instead, I present to you (but mostly to Nicole, Emily and Jenny), a link to that episode of the awesome podcast Comic Geek Speak, my favorite comics podcast.

This is the ep where they basically worship all things Buffy, including talking about the new comic, favorite episodes and Big Bads, and, naturally, which female cast member is the smokin'-est.  Hey... they're a bunch of straight guys. They're intelligent and well spoken, but are made appropriately powerless in the face of two cute witches making out.

In a related story, the boys of CGS are celebrating their 300th episode this very weekend weekend in their home-base of Reading, PA with their own convention!  Sounds pretty freking sweer.  Congrats, guys!

Now, listen and Get Geeked! 

I have a strange and really quite serious addiction to NPR. I blame West Virginia Public Radio. When I was in junior high, I happened upon a weeknight broadcast (ca. 7 pm) of a radio adaptation of Star Wars and I was enthralled. I discovered that every night at 6:30 or so, WVPR (or to be more precise, my local re-broadcast station WVNP Wheeling), would feature on alternating weeknights, old NBC radio plays like X Minus One, the original Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy from the BBC, NPR Playhouse featuring adaptations of bizarre and amazing books like A Canticle for Leibowitz, and, of course, Star Wars.  I was hooked.

I started tuning in earlier and earlier to be sure I wouldn't miss the start of the show (which I would often record onto my little cassette player), and started hearing All Things Considered from what must surely have been it's earliest days. I started getting my news from NPR then, and even started tuning into Saturday and Sunday morning chamber music programs. By the time I was in college, I was a pledging member, and I had a serious addiction to Wad'ya Know? and A Prairie Home Companion not long after.  When living in Pittsburgh, I would purposely set my alarm to wake me up at an unforgivably early hour (8 am!) on Sunday mornings so I could catch the audio fairy tale show Rabbit Ears Radio. This after being out until all hours at the bars with friends. Ah, the wild indiscretions of youth!

The one thing that I have come to loathe with a burning passion usually reserved for overt racism and the passive aggressive are pledge drives. I know I know I KNOW... they are a necessary evil, but that doesn't make them any less evil, does it?  I used to kind of enjoy hearing what the on-air folks would say. Later I merely tolerated it, and later still it began eating away at me like a cancer. Now a total of 7-10 minutes is all I can take.

The absolute WORST bit (if you ask me) is when they start DESCRIBING the thank-you gifts.

"This T-shirt is brown in color and features the Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me logo in dark red and gold, and is a heavyweight Gildan 100% pre-shrunk cotton material." 
"This coffee mug is blue in color and features the Lake Wobegon Whippets logo in green and teal." 
"This tote bag is cream in color and features a print of many versions of Nina Totenberg's NPR portrait, screened in many colors in the style of Andy Warhol." 

AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHH!  It's enough to make a guy toss out his emergency hand-cranked radio/flashlight combo.  Or at least turn really really red in color.

We have two excellent public radio stations here in San Francisco. When KALW (the one we pledge to and listen to most often) has their drive, we sigh and switch over to KQED, knowing that, while we'll have to deal with Michael Krasny instead of Terry Gross at 9, at least we'll be missing the drive... and that annoying Jim Hightower.

But...every so often the unthinkable happens.  A sort of perfect storm of radio annoyance. Both stations have pledge drives at the same time.  And that's happening right now.  All I can say is...

UNIVERSE!  WHY MUST YOU PUNISH ME SO!  

In a related story: I'd rather listed to Jim Hightower do 8 straight hours of pledge drive than listen to one minute of Sarah and No-Name in the Morning on Alice. Now THAT would be punishment.

I was doing some image Googling today to find some scans to update an old post (as I have been doing to posts Harold tranferred from my old Movable Type blog), and I came across the most amazing article.  I've been fondly re-remembering (that is, remembering again, if I may use such a term) what an amazing read Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen is, and that led me to the article.

It's an essay about Moore's uses of non-linear storytelling in such books as Watchmen, Supreme: Story of the Year, and Judgment Day.  I actually started reading it to be sure I hadn't missed the fact that Moore had worked on DC's Day of Judgment.  Thank God I straightened myself out on that front.  What can I say -- I panicked.

Toward the beginning of the piece, author Kristian Williams writes:

The interplay between the simultaneous and the sequential aspects of comic art makes the form particularly well suited to nonlinear structures and devices. Time is inherent to comics in a way that it's not inherent to, say, painting or sculpture. Comic books are more like movies in that one image follows another, though, unlike film, all the images are present simultaneously.

That is very true... though I think folks that aren't versed on the "vernacular" of comics get thrown by this pretty easily.  Emily, who was one of the biggest fans of Buffy The Vampire Slayer when it was on TV, has alot of trouble making heads or tails of what's going on in the new Buffy comic (which, by the by, is really awesome).  When the story jumps from scene to scene, or from reality to dreamstate, all just by going from panel to panel in the comic, it throws her and she dosen't enjoy the story so much. This same disjoint is one of the things, I think, that keeps C'pher from enjoying Watchmen, or even Understanding Comics (which is odd since information design is his field).

The lesson... indoctrinate those kids around you into the finer points of how to read comics. If you don't, they, like many Americans, will be missing out on an entire form of literature.  It's almost child abuse not to!

With apologies to the great George Carlin, I present my latest sh*tty comic review for the Queer Eye on Comics series over at the Prism Comics website.

Now in our second year, our editor David Stanley recently posted a fun retrospective where one of my favorite articles, a review of Rob Liefeld's Avengers #1 was singled out for it's qualities of cleverness. I did enjoy writing that one, but I have to say, I'm much more partial to the Wonder Woman #207. But what do I know. I just work here.

Those of you in the SF Bay Area are cordially invited to visit the Prism Comics booth at this weekend's Alternative Press Expo (APE) in the Concorse Exhibition Center, SoMa/Potrero/almost-Mission. Amazing comics, cute boys, and an incredible greasy spoon diner right across 7th Street... what more could a guy want from a weekend?

OK... maybe cake.

Remember women's lib? Remember 'Mizz?' Remember equality for women in society? Well, I do... and so does Wonder Woman. Er, I mean... so did Wonder Woman.

Anyway, my latest review for the Queer Eye on Comics series at the wonderful Prism Comics website is up. See... I've been writing. I just haven't been writing much here. To my legions of fans I say... 'that's what archives are for.'

Sometimes I write about food, sometimes I write about funny pictures, and sometimes, just sometimes, I write about comics. Bad comics. Read my latest Queer Eye on Comics review here.

Making fun of things you can't really create yourself is the American Way. Read my reviews or be declared Unpatriotic.