22 posts tagged “comics & other nerdy things”

Our secret love's no secret anymore! Unless you've been living inside a giant vagina-like opening in space, you know that the big bad in Geoff Johns' magnum opus Blackest Night, currently coming out from DC, is that reject from Skeletor's family reunion picture, Nekron, Lord of the Unliving. And if you read Tales of the Green Lantern Corps 1-3 back in 1981 like I did, you saw it coming a mile away.

What you may have missed, like I did the first time, was that Nekron is a big, fat, flaming Queen of the Night!  I discovered this when I let him take over my latest contribution to the Queer Eye on Comics column over at the Prism Comics site. He may be a terrifying master of all the deceased souls of the universe, but he can still camp it up with the best of them!

After you read Nekron's little piece, you can find links to my (other) QEoC offerings right here. Toodle-loo!

Get your orders in now for the comic-book continuation of the awesome series, Jericho!

 

Skeet. Skeet. Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet!*

 

*with apologies to Dave Chapelle

And that means new comics. Missing from my Pull List... the new Adventure Comics #1!  Woo!

 

 

You can shoot them with Omega Beams, disintegrate them with a giant machine meant to consume the multiverse, even blow them up with a good, old fashioned booby-trapped World War II plane... but they still come back for more! Ever wonder why so many dead comic book characters just refuse to stay dead?

Turns out they've all got a serious jones to out-do the Big Guy. You know the guy... wonderful... counselor... the Prince of Peace. That's right: Jesus H. Christ.  They all saw the way he came back into continuity after a mere three-day absence, and ever since, they've been trying to one-up him.

But how does the Last Son of YHWH feel about it all?  Having granted me an exclusive interview just in time for the big anniversary of his greatest performance EV-ER, I have explained it all in my latest offering for the Queer Eye on Comics series over at the Prism Comics site, which was so great, they had to publish it in two parts.

As ever, you can find a complete listing of my increasingly hilarious offerings to this now FIVE YEAR OLD continuous column right here on this blog.  If you're into that sort of thing. And let's face it -- you are. You might claim to be here for the recipes, but we know better, don't we?  Mm hm.  We do.

Happy Easter!

This emphasis on Christmas has given me an idea for a new adventure in writing for the Queer Eye on Comics column over at Prism Comics dot Org!  The editors there will rue the day they mentioned the words "How would you like to try to make people laugh with ham-handed jokes about comic books and penises and stuff!  With a holiday twist!"

At least... I think that's how it went down. Maybe I'm not remembering entirely correctly.

Boner. Boner. Boner. Boner. 

Yep... still funny.

Hear ye! Hear ye!  My latest mad creation for the Queer Eye on Comics series over at the Prism Comics site is up, and since I had picked out IDW's Obama/McCain bio-comic Presidential Material for the Comic Geek Speak Forum "Ten Trades in Thirty Days" challenge, I thought I'd use it for the Queer Eye piece, too. 

Despite a decided lack of high adventure, cliffhanger endings, and hero-on-villain slugfests, I enjoyed reading about both men, and actually felt as though I understood them both better in the end. As usual, though, I just took my base reactions, ramped them up about 135%, and wrote with my lavender sunglasses on.  Thus, I spend a bunch of time running through various synonyms of "dickhead" to describe (mostly) John McCain.  As it turns out, there are a lot of them. Who knew?

As promised, here is my mini-review for the CGS Forum, in the format laid out by the thread originator.

Presidential Material: Barack Obama/John McCain
Pros: I genuinely learned things about both candidates. Especially as regards their motivation to get into the unforgiving world of politics, it really does re-inforce who I'm voting for.
Cons: As with any comic portraying real people, the art is a little tough to get past. Both books end up being not a lot more than a narrated photo book, like a comic book version of a Ken Burns show. The McCain story does seem to succeed a bit better with using the medium as a way of actually telling the story, but it's only in a few spots.
Freking Sweers: 3 out of 5

So... registered to vote?  I'm talking to you Nevada, Colorado, Ohio, North Carolina, and Florida!

Good.

 

I may be in the final days of my month-long organ-meats and potatoes binge in the UK, but I did manage to get my latest offering to the Queer Eye on Comics series out to my editors before I left, and it's out this week. In it I attempt to answer that burning question "Which is inherently gayer: Final Crisis or Secret Invasion?"  I also make a bunch of references to funny costumes and stuff, so it's pretty much my bog standard, award-winning stuff. Please do enjoy.

And for all my anonymous fans out there, don't forget you can find links to my previous QE offerings here, here and even here. Gotta go... I've just been served the largest calve's liver I've ever seen. Seriously. It's like the size of my forearm. Please tell me there is some arugala left in San Francisco for my return... I'm just hoping it hasn't all been sent off to Denver for the DNC.

So, Basie, the local 7-year-old whose comic I reviewed a while back to much notable acclaim over at prismcomics.org, has finally gone totally pro: he had his own in-store appearance at my LCS, Isotope Comics Lounge.

James Sime, Isotope's mad monk, was the first to champion this budding writer/artist's career, famous as the place is for its wide selection of 'zines, mini-comics, and self-published manifestos. Months ago, I picked up Basie's first offering, The Masked Mutant #1, and wrote what I thought was a not unfunny piece: treating two comics made by kids who could barely write their own names as though they were breakout talents up for the Eisners. Not that I don't know anyone like that, of course....

Well, there Basie was... bent over the drafting table James sets up for these occasions, surrounded by adoring fans, signing autographs, doing sketches, and showing off his portfolio, his original paintings, and a whole painted cityscape made of re-purposed milk cartons, mailing tubes, and even a Tinker Toy container. Folks in Artist's Alley in San Diego next weekend take note: any booth with a home-made city complete with tiny cars becomes 85-90% awesomer automatically. Fact of life.

Basie's parents were there too, and heaped mountains of undeserved praise on me for writing the review, which they said they had gotten MUCH pleasure out of sharing with friends and family. His dad even had a copy of the review printed in what I joked was Basie's "press kit." The delighted gleam in his eye made me feel badly that Masked Mutant #1 had to share my column with another kid-made comic. Maybe Wizard will finally go to press with that Basie retrospective I hear they have in the works, and thereby right that wrong once and for all.

While perusing his portfolio (I am not making that bit up: the kid ACtually had a full-on portfolio), I saw a comic starring a ninja. In a cringe-worthy misspelling moment shred by us adults, we noted he spelled it "N-i-g-u-s." Maybe he uses Jesse Helms' old dictionary? On one page, the ninja is recovering from battle injuries in that ever-popular comics device, the hi-tech tank of bubbly water -- usually a "micro-nutrient bath" or somesuch -- meant to heal anything from acute radiation poisoning to elective surgery scars caused by installing that Adamantium skeleton you always wanted.

I told Basie that this reminded me of The Vision, a synthezoid character in Marvel's Avengers, who was always getting destroyed and ending up in the aforementioned tank. It now occurs to me that we never once used the term "synthezoid" when talking to Basie, preferring the much more generic "robot." Were we somehow afraid that word might corrupt his innocent brain? I suppose it's best to leave the sensitive discussions to his parents. Like the correct spelling of "ninja."

At any rate, I found a reference pic or two in the shop and asked Basie if he'd do a drawing of The Vision in a bubbly tank for me, encouraging him to illustrate extensive damage where appropriate. What he turned out was the absolute greatest: there hangs Mr. Scarlet Witch, a few body parts floating loose in the tank, eyes closed and dreaming synthezoid dreams. The undisputed highlight, though, was that Basie even thought to include The Vision's yellow cape in the scene, hanging on a conveniently placed hook right on the side of the tank.

Please forgive me if I get a bit dramatic, but I can scarcely convey what joy it brings a fanboy like me when he sees a kid like Basie not only NOT forget Vision's cape, but also include it in a place where it won't get ruined by stubborn micro-nutrient stains. That, my friends, gives me great hope for no less than the future of the Geek Race as a whole. Excelsior!

Basie, I hope you had as good a time as I did today! As for you James, score another one for The shop and your unbesmirched rep as the dude living on the bleeding edge of coolness. Isotope Comics Lounge: They won't get micro-nutrients all over your cape.

Unless that's what you're into. This is San Francisco, after all.

I've gone and done it again... I've written another semi-humorous gem for the Queer Eye On Comics feature over at Prism Comics' website. This time, not content to poke fun at questionable crap like Cage and Rob Leifeld's vast body of work, I take on a little book called Action Comics #1. It stars some crazy guy who... get this... wears his underwear on the OUTSIDE of his pants!  And his undies are RED!  That spells comedy gold.

The article is due to go up tomorrow, but you can get a sneaky preview here.  For more of my work in this regard (say you need something to get you to sleep and can't find your copy of War and Peace), see my post celebrating four years of writing for the series.  And they said it couldn't be done!

Or... did they say it shouldn't be done?  I can never remember.

With WonderCon happening this very weekend here in San Francisco (I only managed to make it there for an hour or so yesterday at lunch!), I'm reminded that it's so rare that I mention here that I am an avid comics reader that the 1-1.5 casual visitors I get per year might not know. So... now you know.

When I was a member of NORTHSTAR, an APA for gay comic book readers, I would routinely write lots and lots and LOTS about comics, but since I left the group a while back, I haven't done very much of it. Considering that the portion of my money that doesn't go to keeping up our household or feeding my ever-expanding face goes directly to Isotope these days, I feel I should rectify that.

In actuality, I haven't been COMPLETELY away from comics writing: for the last four years, I've been a contributor to the (I hope) humorous and irreverent review column Queer Eye on Comics over at prismcomcs.org. Prism is a nonprofit that exists to promote the work of GLBT folk who make comics. After all... most comics buyers only have a limited amount of money to spend on comics, so we'd like to see to it that they know who their "brothers, sisters and misters" are in the industry, so to speak. High profile homos in comics of all kinds means a higher profile for all of us.

While most other posts on the Prism site are either news items or serious reviews, the Queer Eye column is meant to be funny. I'm no Dane Cook (and thank god, really), so I can only write funny about bad comics. Really really bad comics. So... my list of reviews is a cavalcade of non-hits: from Liefeld to Lee & Miller and back again.  I'd like to think that each of my picks has SOME redeeming quality, even if that quality is that it so shitty as to make my job of poking fun at it that much easier. I'm a yuppie gentrifier... the biggest challenge I want in my life is figuring out how to make sure TiVo records Lost.

When James Sime, the guy who runs my aforementioned LCS, responded so positively to a column I wrote recently, it occurred to me I hadn't done much here to list all the reviews I've done. As the series approaches it's 4th anniversary (woot!), I suppose it's as good a time as any to take stock. 

A note: because of a computer snafu (don't you hate them?) a while back, all the accompanying pictures on many reviews, including mine, were deleted. The editors at Prism have done quite a lot to restore them, but it's a big job, and we're all volunteers here, so let's just all settle down, 'kay?

March '04   The Dark Knight Strikes Again #1
What better way to start of my career of reviewing crap comics than with one of the hugest shit-bombs of all time. What made it so so much worse was that The Dark Knight Returns was so awesome. You know, Frank Miller... some people don't let success go to their  head. 

June '04   "The Secret Lives of Superman" from DC Blue Ribbon Digest #8, parts 1 and 2.
An easy target... this digest contained a bunch of fun stories where Superman was either dressed as some other hero or had to change his outfit for some reason -- including one that I believe to be the original "outfit you wouldn't want to be caught dead in."

August '04    Rob Liefeld's Avengers #1
I am so proud of this one... a take off on the fabulous Harper's Index from Harper's Magazine.  Finally, mathematical proof that Rob Liefeld totally and unequivocally sucks.

November '04   Crimson Plague #1
Face facts people: even George Perez is not perfect!  Meant to be something of his magnum opus, Crimson Plague, which he both drew AND wrote, was a total trainwreck. A beautiful beautiful trainwreck.

January '05    Power Company
I'm ready to admit it: this review was pretty much written to justify having followed this entire series to my friend Stephen, who loved to give me shit for buying it, though it was written by the excellent Kurt Busiek.  It was not good. There, I said it.

March '05   DC Blue Ribbon Digest #67 starring the Legion of Super-Heroes
For the geek set, this is probably my most useful and informative piece. It offers a quick list of ways fanboys can pepper their conversations with witticisms making fun of the '60s LSH. Nothing gets girls quicker than a good Starfinger joke, guys!

May '05   Wonder Woman (vol. 1) #207
This is also a favorite of mine. I use WW's progression through a bizarre story as a workout regimen to get you ready for beachwear. Be sure you consult your doctor first: she builds the Great Wall of China as her cool down. THAT is hard core, people.

July '05    Ninja #1
You know when you go to a con and all these eager young things are there at their sad little table with their weird little comic they wrote and drew themselves based on ideas they had when they were 10 and now it's like 10 years later and the comic is here and it's not very good? This is one of those.

September '05   DC Comics Presents #47 starring Superman & The Masters of the Universe
What's funnier than He-Man and Battle Cat? The get-up that Man-At-Arms has to wear, that's what.

November '05    Adventure Comics #406 starring Supergirl
I should really get to replacing the scanned artwork in this review, since that's what the review is mostly about.  The disturbing cover does not really fully illustrate (get it?) the weirdness within.  Plus... a girl named Nasty!  I'm not kidding.

January '06   Wonder Woman (vol. 1) #219
I return again to the fertile ground of Wondy's original, pre-Crisis series. This is the one where she goes into some crazy backward dimension where women are cruelly treated and subjugated by men. Huh?

April '06    DC Comics Presents #35 starring Superman & Man-Bat
Oh 1980s... you surely did provide some suck-ass comics. The plot in this book is so bad, you almost don't notice the hands-down ugliest super-villainess costume of all time.  Well, I noticed, I guess.

June '06  "Which One?"
This is me at my absolute laziest: I couldn't even pick a comics out of my supply to write about, so, using a midterm election as inspiration, I wrote a four-sentence description for five different comics and had people write to me to vote on which I should review next. Subsequently, I used three of the five in the column (including my latest offering), which makes some wonder why I didn't just write a real review right then. Whatever, people. Just you wait -- I can get lazier. Really.

August '06  DC Comics Presents #45 starring Superman & Firestorm
This was the winner of June's election; the Green Party candidate.  Published on my birthday, this review features me making fun of the villain's name and costume. What a shocker.

October '06   Cage #3
This was another contender in June's contest. I'd say it was the runner up, but honestly... no one voted for it. Once I read it, I knew why. I mean... Kickback?  Sheesh.

December '06   DC World's Finest Digest #23
I do love me some DC Digests and this one was an attempt to jump onto the then-ongoing 52 bandwagon. The Supernova character  reminded me of Nova, an identity Superman took on in an imaginary story that turned out, upon re-reading, to be way more sexually suggestive than I remembered. Hm.

February '07    X-Men: The New Age Vol. 1
I actually bought this because I was in an LCS here in San Francisco and accidentally knocked a bunch of trades down from an admittedly flimsy shelf.  The shopguy was courteous but clearly put out, so I thought I'd drop $13 and change for all the trouble I caused.  Boy did I pay.

April '07   Adventure Comics #393 starring Supergirl
Ah... Supergirl stories. You never fail to disappoint. Well, you DO disappoint, but in the way that doesn't disappoint, if you know what I mean. In this review, I use the term "sister-friend of steel," officially coining the phrase.

July '07   World's Finest #142, parts 1 and 2
When, during the JLA/JSA crossover last summer ("The Lightning Saga") I noticed that Superman had statues in the Fortress of Solitude of the Legion, I was reminded of the awesome story of the Composite Superman, who got his powers from similar statues. Interesting fact: some great guy has scanned every page of this comic and posted them on the web, and I pulled my scans for the review from his site. Thanks, Interweb!

October '07  All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder
I return to my roots in making fun of Frank Miller in this shooting-fish-in-a-barrell review of a truly terrible series. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but the guys at my oft-mentioned LCS gave me these issues for free when I asked for a suggestion on a bad comic to review. See... loyalty to small businesses pays off!  I think.

December '07    Animal Sounds and The Masked Mutant #1  
Ever hear of these books? No? That's because they were done by a 6- and 7-year old respectively.  I basically treat them like they are legit books, and I think the result is pretty funny.  This is the review that James at Isotope liked so much, even linking to it on the store's own blog. Another one of my favorites.

February '08  Magnus, Robot Fighter #1
My latest if not my greatest. I titled the review "Mitt Romney, Robot Fighter!" and when he dropped out of the Republican presidential race just days before the review was to go up, I had to do a little bit of editing. That's just the kind of up-to-the-minute coverage you can expect from Queer Eye on Comics!

Coming one day soon... reviews of comics I actually like. Won't that be fun for a change?