Kyle Minor Blogs So You Don't Have To

At The Toronado, Lower Haight.

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I just flew in from low-Earth orbit, and BOY are my arms tired!

You can shoot them with Omega Beams, disintegrate them with a giant machine meant to consume the multiverse, even blow them up with a good, old fashioned booby-trapped World War II plane... but they still come back for more! Ever wonder why so many dead comic book characters just refuse to stay dead?

Turns out they've all got a serious jones to out-do the Big Guy. You know the guy... wonderful... counselor... the Prince of Peace. That's right: Jesus H. Christ.  They all saw the way he came back into continuity after a mere three-day absence, and ever since, they've been trying to one-up him.

But how does the Last Son of YHWH feel about it all?  Having granted me an exclusive interview just in time for the big anniversary of his greatest performance EV-ER, I have explained it all in my latest offering for the Queer Eye on Comics series over at the Prism Comics site, which was so great, they had to publish it in two parts.

As ever, you can find a complete listing of my increasingly hilarious offerings to this now FIVE YEAR OLD continuous column right here on this blog.  If you're into that sort of thing. And let's face it -- you are. You might claim to be here for the recipes, but we know better, don't we?  Mm hm.  We do.

Happy Easter!

Come over to the Dark Side.

Remember when I used to write a lot in this blog? Remember when there were recipes and funny stories, Found Porn, and the occasional pot-shot at bad comic books?

Me neither.

That's because evil evil Facebook has been taking up what little uninterrupted writing time I have!  We're down to one usable computer at home, and Facebook is blocked at work (thanks!), so how else am I supposed to keep track of all those folks I went to High School and College and Choir Camp with but to keep checking Facebook when I can slip in front of C'pher's precious new MacBook?  Somebody might have SuperPoked me!

What's worse is that Facebook is like some kind of evil evil gateway drug.  My friends are exceedingly witty, so that means commentary on their various status updates and hilarious old mall-hair pictures... but it also leads to watching endless videos on YouTube and FailBlog.  It also leads to checking out the various bands, TV shows, and odd foodstuffs my friends have become Fans of.  And it also leads to straining your eyes VERY VERY HARD to see how people you went to High School with look in their tiny tiny profile pictures without actually having to add them as Friends.

This Facebook thing is exhausting!  I need to get back to my Internet roots and spend hours posting to comics message boards.

And blogging!  Jeez... how quickly I forget.

"... it could have had more musical numbers."

The First Boy and Last Boy. The Universal Orrery. Tiger-Men. Good girls gone bad. Most Excellent Superbat. Old Gods and New Gods. A Rubik's Cube. The Zoo Crew. Wunda. Metron. Monitors. And a Black Superman who's also the President of the US of A.

Worlds lived. Worlds died. And so did my spirits once I finished DC Comics' latest mega-event, Grant Morrison's opus Final Crisis. It's over people!  Now, like it will with the Bush Administration, we just have to wait for history to be it's final judge.  Hurry up, history!  I have some unanswered questions.

Did I look forward to it?  Sure I did! Did I understand it?  A little, I guess.  Did I like it?

Can I get back to you on that?

In the meantime, you can read my latest offering for the Queer Eye on Comics column over at the celebrated and award-winning Prism Comics website. In it, I explain all about Final Crisis and why being in love means never having to say "WTF, Grant Morrison?"  Links to all my side-splittingly hilarious QE essays can be found on this very blog.

And hey... will someone please let Eddie Berganza out of that cell he's been locked in for the last nine months?  Thanks.

Have you ever wondered what road led the citizens of the US to elect their first African-American president?  I like to think that -- since old white people have co-opted a lot of jazz -- the black community adopting white customs plays a microscopic part.

Bank robberies and jewel heists are SO 2008.

This emphasis on Christmas has given me an idea for a new adventure in writing for the Queer Eye on Comics column over at Prism Comics dot Org!  The editors there will rue the day they mentioned the words "How would you like to try to make people laugh with ham-handed jokes about comic books and penises and stuff!  With a holiday twist!"

At least... I think that's how it went down. Maybe I'm not remembering entirely correctly.

Boner. Boner. Boner. Boner. 

Yep... still funny.

Play spot the celebrity in this hilarious little bit of fun, with a heaping helping of truth!

Ya Vote!

So... first of all, I can't tell you the pride I felt hearing Barack Obama speak live from Chicago last night. Finally a reason to be proud of America the way we should be.  I'll admit I was a Hillary guy at first, but Obama really won me over in the end. I'm sure there are still voters out there who thought the difference between our two choices wasn't pronounced enough to really make a good choice: hell... some people ACtually voted for freaking Ralph Nader! 

But to me, the contrast couldn't have been more pronounced. I used to think that John McCain was the one of the few Republicans I would trust to be President, but instead of campaigning as himself, he listened to the (admittedly usually successful) advice of the Bush machine, and suddenly we weren't hearing about his fiscal conservatism, his efforts for campaign finance reform, and his opposition to torture even in times of war -- we were hearing about Obama being in the same room with William Ayers once and how that meant Obama was clearly a terrorist. Let's just say that when the boos and evil cat-calls started at McCain's concession speech last night, I thought of some old aphorism: "Lie down with dogs, and you'll wake up with fleas."  You can't whip up that kind of hateful fervor and not expect it to get out of hand.

In contrast, Obama really seemed the whole time to represent the hope for a better future for all Americans, even ones I don't agree with politically. I saw in him an end to the misguided war in Iraq and pursuit of Bin Laden and our actual enemies and the perpitrators of 9/11.  A president I felt I could trust and respect; someone to whom "American Values" isn't just a buzz phrase, but a nearly tangible set of rules to live by.  A world leader that can (and already has) fix tarnished reputation the United States has abroad. A real American President... capital P.

So, yes... I am proud that so many Americans so overwhelmingly elected a statesman of Barack Obama's ilk. Happy even!

Cool Grey City Hall of Love

Then why do I feel like such crap?  Because civil rights for gays and lesbians were dealt another body blow: Proposition 8 looks poised to pass, writing seperate-but-equal type discrimination right into our state constitution.

I guess I'm feeling especially selfish: I am having a hard time being as happy as I should be that Obama won knowing that so many of my fellow Californians who voted him into office are so afraid of... SOMEthing... that C'pher and I and our love for one another represents that they couldn't see Prop 8 for what it is: un-American discrimination the likes of which haven't been seen since mixed race couples were prohibited from marrying.

Let's be honest: I knew that this race would be close. I was even prepared for the possibility it might pass. What I wasn't prepared for... was for the feeling I've got today: lethargy, listlessness, and real, actual, sadness. Nothing between C'pher and I has changed. We can be in love as much today as we were yesterday when our marriage was recognized as legal. Though we're now in possible limbo were that is concerned, nothing about that feeling is altered an iota by Prop 8.

I know I'm sounding like a bit of a whiny bitch, and maybe I deserve that moniker at the moment, but I guess I'm just not used to experiencing that feeling I had sometimes as a kid growing up: that someone didn't like me, but for reasons I had no control over.

All this said, I'm sure things are far from over where marriage equality is concerned. Did any of us think even four years ago that we'd have come this far?  Maybe I need to take a page from Barack Obama's playbook... and hope.

There now... that feels better already.

Dressed to Frill

I have some bad news for you: if you have been harboring a secret crush on either C'pher or me, you're too late. After a whirlwind romance of just 13.75 years, we threw caution to the wind and got married!  Truly, madly, legally married.  We were surrounded by wonderful friends who braved our first bad(ish) weather of the year in City Hall on Thursday, and then more at an impromptu drinkfest at a nearby bar afterward. Bless all of you who were able to come, who were with us in spirit, and who are reading today's Chronicle...

...because there we are on the front page!  That's right, we're stretching that 15 minutes of fame another 30 seconds or so. Mike Kepka, the awesome Chronicle photographer we met back in 2004 joined us again for the day's ceremonies and festivities, and a couple of his always excellent shots accompany an article about the impending legal status of all these same-sex marriages if the dreaded Prop 8 passes in California on Tuesday. You can read the article, but the gist is this: no one is quite sure.

Sorry Girls, We're Married!

We're in the homestretch, but we know the fight against this unfair and wrong piece of legislation is far from over. If you haven't done so yet, please think about someone you know in California, and urge them to vote NO on Prop 8 this Tuesday. And speaking of blessed, our families and friends have donated well over a staggering $2000 to our Wedding Resgistry at NoOn8.org... in just four day's time!  We're humbled by your generosity, support and love. We're the luckiest two newlyweds on Earth!

UPDATE:  See Rebecca's awesome pictures of the happy day here!
UPDATE 2:  See Cricket's pictures of the day here!

UPDATE 3:  See Christine's pictures, featuring our lovely Flower Girl, Zuzu over here!

I'm nearly ready to hyperventilate waiting for Election Day, but one thing that literally helps me sleep at night is knowing this: whatever political tides may turn against us, Christopher and I are unbelievably fortunate to have so many who care so much, and most of all, to have one another. One thing that NO law can take away is our love for one another -- being married doesn't make that real. It just is.

Visit tinyurl.com/cmkm2008 to donate today!